Today I smiled.

I must be on my way to healing. Even though I cried through every comment that was left on facebook or here on the blog, I was grateful for all the kind and supportive words offered and was surprised at how much hearing your memories of my Jesse meant to me. I helped me to smile again.

I loved watching all the neighborhood kids pile on her in the front yard and not worry about what she might do, and it was so fun to watch them throw a ball or frisbee for her, and rather than play fetch, she preferred to play "keep away" and the more kids that she could get to chase her, the more fun she had. We had birthday parties for her every year - and I remember inviting all her doggie friends to her 1st birthday out in the back yard and what a crazy time that was! Every year, we'd sing to her and give her this HUGE bone, I think it was called The Goliath, it was so big and smelly and gross and cost $15, but it was worth it to watch her eyes light up when she saw it - I know it sounds crazy, but yes her eyes really did light up, I promise!! She always made us laugh when settling down for the night, cause as soon as everyone was quiet, we could hear her plop her tired bones down in her crate and - she'd "moo", I swear she sounded just like a cow - it was like a little sigh of relief that everyone was safe in their beds and she felt like her job was done for the day. When she was outside in the yard, she'd sit on the deck, and would always put her front paws down on the next step - it was her quirky little thing, that's just how she sat out there. Mikka never did it, and I thought it was so cute and unique to her. Last night I went to bring Reco in for the night, as I rounded the corner into the kitchen I could see him through the sliding glass door, and I stopped in my tracks and let out a little yelp. Jake asked what was wrong, and of course, the tears started, cause there was Reco - sitting on the deck with his front paws down off the first step, just like Jesse. I called for Jake to come see and when he did, he laughed and said, "I wonder who taught him that!" I had never seen him do it before, and it was a sad but sweet moment for sure. Reco is a pretty cool puppy himself. He's 5 months now and just a joy to have around. He is so gentle and responsive, he really wants to do exactly what we want him to, I feel like I never have to get mad at him for anything. (Here's to hoping it lasts!) I am so happy to see that he has a lot of Jesse's temperament about him, even though he is going through a little bit of the fear stage right now. He weighs 52 pounds (I know - beef cake!) but is such a chicken about the funniest things - its hilarious. He's just a big baby. We've got his ears taped up now, and it just adds to the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Anyway, he's pretty quiet, but a few nights ago, he was outside and he actually barked at something for the first time! It was like he was in charge now that Jesse is gone, and he seemed so grown up all of a sudden - the man of the house. At the vet this morning for new ear tape, a boxer had come in and he was pretty intolerant of all the other pets that came through the waiting room, growling at everyone. Reco noticed him, but didn't seem to care much. But then we finished up at the same time and ended up standing at the counter together and as soon as the vet tech handed me back the leash, Reco moved around me to the other side, so he was standing in between me and the boxer, leash now wrapped around my leg, and was just quietly watching the other dog. Although I was a little annoyed at being tied up while trying to pay my bill, I didn't make him move, and when the owner seemed distracted enough, his boxer took advantage and lunged at us. Reco fired up like I had never heard him before. Even the vet tech looked up in surprise. He was on guard and protecting me, I was so proud of my little chicken! :) Of course the boxer backed down right away, I guess he hadn't ever really been challenged back before, I don't know - but Reco sure told him not to mess with me. The first time I saw the Shepherd's protective instinct in Jesse was in a similar situation - Nathan and Livy were playing outside and a stray dog wandered by. Jesse barked in warning a few times and watched him close, but it wasn't until the dog started chasing Livy that Jesse took action. Before Jesse got to her, the other dog had knocked Livy down on the sidewalk, but Jesse chased him away with her teeth bared and snarling, standing over Livy, just daring him to come back. We'd only had Jesse a few months at the time so she was still pretty young, and this other dog was older, and I was totally thinking, "Yeah Jesse! You go girl!" Earlier this week, I had a repairman come to the house and it was the first time without Jesse's intimidating presence. Not that anyone had to worry about her ever hurting them, I still missed the sense of security she gave me when there was a stranger around. Door to door salesmen always stepped back off the porch a bit when she showed up to check out who was at the door and sat there by my side during their pitch - few dared to linger (bonus!). I always felt like she had my back, even if she was just a big marshmallow. Anyway, I could go on and on about my dogs, but bottom line is I wanted to thank everyone for their support - both those who knew Jesse and also those who didn't - I really appreciate all the nice things that were said. I didn't mean to depress anyone - so many people told me I made them cry, and for that I'm sorry, but dang, she was a good dog and is so dearly missed!!